at the moment, i'm beginning to notice how my life has gone through these past years... i'm getting older every year and still i feel that i haven't lived my life as i wanted it to be. so many unfinished business, remote dreams, unparallel behavior and conditional love. i just felt i'm doing things like it's destined to be done and i have no control over it.. i witness myself perched precariously to a less mediocre life. what am i supposed to do? its very hard to decide things when your fully aware that somebody, someone would be affected on every choice you make for your yourself. unless you don't care, you always consider the people around you, people who love and care for you so much, it's like living for them, living to keep relationships even you are concious that it's really not healthy for you anymore... fake smiles, forced laughter and full of sadness... jailed on the routine of life.